How to Quickly Transition from Online Chats to Real-Life Dates on Dating Sites?
By Friendship apps free / July 23, 2024 / No Comments / Find friendship
Women gain the illusion of being in demand, while men get the illusion of endless choice.
On dating sites like stay2date.com, we meet a lot of men every day. Often, the conversation doesn’t go beyond a simple “hello.”
To make online dating more effective, I recommend not delaying the transition from online chatting to a real-life meeting. Nothing can replace live communication. And figuring out whether it’s worth investing time in a suitor should also happen as soon as possible. Here’s how you can do it.
Who Am I?
My name is Katya, and I run the blog @moscowgirl_in_tinder, “A Moscow Girl in Tinder.”
I have been on more than 400 dates, with my monthly record being 43 meetings.
If I had stretched out the conversations with these men for weeks, how much time would I have wasted? And let’s not even talk about resources… Some dates turned into relationships, some were the first and the last.
After some dates, men were eager for more, while after others, they calmly thanked me for my time and wished me all the best.
That’s why I can say that I know everything about dating and even more!
Let’s Go!
He writes you something banal or not, and you start a dialogue. If you’re lucky, it will be interesting and even intellectual. Here’s where the main danger lies. If the conversation flows smoothly, and you catch yourself thinking, “It seems like this is the one I’ve been looking for,” you don’t notice the time spent on chatting. And soon, you’re online 24/7, responding as soon as you hear the message alert. And this goes on for a week straight.
What Should You Learn in Chat?
Key points to find out during the chat, what to tell about yourself, and how not to violate personal boundaries.
Yes:
- What are the man’s goals for dating? If your expectations don’t match, there’s no point in wasting your time. I would also advise avoiding men who cannot articulate their goals.
- His marital status (yes, this is worth asking even on dating sites). I’ve seen many cases where a woman discovers the man is married months into the acquaintance. And the male “you didn’t ask” sounds somewhat objective.
- Do you have common topics to talk about? Otherwise, you might find that you have nothing to discuss when you meet. Awkward silence can only be romantic in movies…
- How does he envision the first meeting? “We’ll walk in the park and then go to my place” or “we’ll have dinner at a restaurant.” Ask him how he sees your first meeting. Will it be a friendly meet-up or a romantic date? If it’s romantic, will all the romantic attributes be there? It’s the right time to clarify if there will be flowers and if he will help arrange your transportation.
No:
- Do not report on your day.
- Avoid discussions about travels and where each person has been recently. What does this information give you in the context of getting to know a new man and potential suitor? Whether he vacationed in Peru or Urupinsk… so what? Yes, later on, vacation spots can give you some idea about the man, his vacations, and his income. But this method is far from foolproof.
- Recollections and discussions about exes. This is taboo during the first contacts.
- Sex and any related topics. This immediately lowers your respect level in the eyes of the man. Paradoxically, such conversations don’t benefit either the date or the sex itself: it’s like appearing before a man in a revealing mini dress with a suggestive neckline — too straightforward and boring for the first date. Intimate conversations give the man a green light, and then we wonder why he only invites us to his place.
- Politics! This topic is forbidden not only in dating but also in social settings in general. No comments here.
- Money. Same reason as above.
- Health issues. I understand that after thirty, discussing visits to the osteopath and sharing contacts of a great dentist is cool. But better save this for friends. Especially avoid talking about past illnesses and diagnoses.
- Photos! The more photos you send him online, the less likely he will want to meet. Even if you’re incredibly beautiful. This is how the male brain works: there’s a photo, he has “gotten” you.
Important Note: Do not conduct an interrogation in the chat! You’re not interviewing a candidate for a job; you’re getting to know a potential partner and possibly your other half.
What to Tell About Yourself?
In maximum lightness, share your goals and expectations from dating. Sprinkle it with some female flirting and humor. Save the rest for the meeting. If men often ask you “tell me about yourself,” it’s worth revising your profile description. A well-crafted profile and photos on the site reduce the likelihood of such questions by 95% and characterize you in the best possible light.
Methods of Transition
How to nudge a man towards inviting you on a real-life date? There are many ways; here are a few main strategies.
Humorous Approach
Any original phrases that your imagination allows will work here. Here are a few examples:
“Demo version of the app is no longer available. To continue the dialogue with the interlocutor, you need to extend access by inviting to a personal meeting in the restaurant (…) on Friday, January 23. The time and place of the meeting are negotiable.”
“Message limit in the chat reached. You have 5 messages left.”
Common Interests
You can mention in the chat that you’d really like to try a sport/hobby that he engages in.
Unavailability
Don’t always be available; create a sense of scarcity for the man after he shows interest in you. Delay your responses. You can say that you’re rarely online and prefer personal meetings. Never adjust to him! If you’re chatting in messengers or on the phone, be busy. “Oh, honey, I’m so busy! Rushing to yoga, then to a macrame club, and so on.” If he’s interested, he’ll take the initiative and request a meeting.
Subtle Hint
Men don’t understand hints. This is a well-known fact. But you can try. When discussing your love for coffee or gastronomic preferences, share your favorite place where they serve a particular dish or ask for his recommendations. You can add that it would be nice to arrange a tasting together. Only the most clueless will not realize that this is a hint.
Direct Approach
Yes. Just ask directly. Ask him if he plans to move to the next stages of acquaintance or if his goal is only to exchange letters online.
Setting Up a Meeting
What constitutes an agreement for a meeting?
Only a clearly scheduled date, time, and place!
Ideally, by this time, you have exchanged some contacts besides the dating site profile. A phone number is not necessary; messengers are sufficient.
When a man says, “let’s get in touch later,” and the like — don’t even bother booking a place in your calendar, the likelihood of a meeting is almost zero.
On the day of the meeting (or the day before), confirm if the meeting is still on. This is not an unnecessary clarification.
How to React to Meeting Cancellations from His Side?
Sometimes reasons are indeed objective, if they arise not half an hour before the meeting. In any case, the man should “make up for it” — send flowers, delivery, or something else romantic. To his message, you can reply something like “I understand, it’s a pity. I think a tasty dessert (or flowers) from you can brighten up the disappointment.” If he “plays dumb,” then he’s just not your man.
If, upon cancellation, the man doesn’t mention a possible reschedule (date, place), you can write him off. And mentally thank him for saving your time.
If the man postpones meetings with enviable regularity, then most likely you are a backup option for him, as offensive as it may sound.
Safety Rules
A bit about safety on first dates.
Choose a meeting place in a public area on neutral territory — restaurants, cafes, bars, parks, and others, based on your own preferences. A man interested in you will ask which location in the city is convenient for you and will select options considering this.
You can always say that it would be convenient for you in a particular area. Don’t travel to distant, unknown places and to someone unclear. After all, the first meeting is not always successful, and traveling 2 hours back home after a 10-minute meeting where you realized he’s not the hero of your novel is not enjoyable.
Never agree to a first meeting:
- In sparsely populated parks
- In completely unfamiliar areas
- In the man’s car
- At his home
- At your home
Be careful with drinks on the date, especially alcoholic ones. Anything can happen… I think this needs no further instructions.
When going on a date to a restaurant, I implore you — have enough money on your card or in cash to cover your bill. I hope you’ll never need it, but it’s good to observe minimal precautions.