How I Searched for Love on Tinder: A Continuing Story

Our heroine shares her experience of searching for a partner on Tinder. Frankly and unfiltered. We publish the sixth part of the story. You can read the first, second, third, fourth, and fifth parts via the links.

Why We Need Dating Sites and Why Everyone Should Try Them at Least Once

My search for love on Tinder actually concluded in the previous chapter. However, being an organized and systematic person, I decided to summarize and systematize my experiences. Moreover, I want to share them with the world, as they might be helpful to someone else, especially now that we are in quarantine. Social media and dating sites like directurlove.com have become the sole means of communication, heralding the era of online interaction. Although the value of personal meetings has soared, it turns out that one can lead an equally active and fulfilling life online as in reality. For instance, during quarantine, I managed to have an online argument with a potential boyfriend. But quarantine will end sooner or later, and we need to consider whether we still need Tinder or any other online dating platform. Here, I aim to debunk the most common myths about Tinder that I have encountered.

Myth #1: Meeting Online is in Bad Taste

No one stops you from continuing the classic search for a partner, but I hesitate to ask, where exactly outside the internet? At work? – I never date anyone at work. In a bar? – Guys rarely meet people there: some admit they’re afraid, others come just to relax, not to meet someone. Besides, where are these bars now? Everything is closed; #stayhome is the new trend of 2020.

Myth #2: Tinder Doesn’t Allow You to Really Know a Person

This is true only if you don’t make an effort to get to know the person better. Online communication requires time, resources, and willingness. Gaining the interest of others, who are also busy with work and looking for love in their spare time, is not easy. You need to show enthusiasm. If you log into the app once a week, answer questions half-heartedly, and don’t share about yourself, a miracle won’t happen. Sometimes, it’s worth putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and analyzing if they find your answers interesting.

Myth #3: There’s Nothing to Talk About on Tinder

Tinder has a rule: if your match doesn’t reciprocate, you can’t message each other. But many complain that matches are made, yet conversations don’t start. It’s important to remember that Tinder isn’t a social network where people gather likes. No one sees these likes except you. A simple example: once, coming back from a party, I inadvertently witnessed a taxi driver’s behavior, who was driving with his left hand and swiping all profiles right with his right hand. Understandable, right?

Another example: I once dated a guy with about 3,000 matches. He opened my eyes to the fact that quantity is a meaningless indicator. He also complained that many people don’t respond at all.

Myth #4: Don’t Take the Initiative

While Slavic men traditionally wait and hesitate, years can pass. There’s a rule that always works (and that Slavic women continue to ignore): always start first. No time to explain, it just works.

Myth #5: Discussing Previous Relationship Experiences is a No-No

Amusingly, one of the most popular topics at the initial stage of communication is discussing previous experiences on Tinder. It’s a kind of social small talk, the art of which you will have to master. The most frequent questions are “How’s it going?” and “Why are you here?” Be ready to answer honestly or memorize your story to avoid accidentally mixing it up on the next date.

Conversation Starters

Here are three examples of how to continue a conversation.

1. Don’t use monosyllabic replies. Instead of answering “Hi” to a greeting, address your counterpart by name. Then ask about a specific photo or hobby. Ask where the person is or share your plans for the day.
2. “You have beautiful eyes/smile/hair.” Sometimes in life, a simple “Thanks” is enough in response to a compliment, especially if it’s sincere. Online compliments are perceived as routine phrases, but they can be used to keep the conversation going. You can return the compliment or ask a relevant question. The main thing is not to reply with a monosyllabic “Thanks,” which often sounds like “Goodbye.”
3. “How’s your mood?” I agree, it’s a silly question, but you still need to answer it. You can joke that it always improves after a glass of wine and invite them for a glass online. This will definitely add activity to the conversation.

Topics to Discuss

Topics for conversation can vary, but the most valuable ones are openness, activity, and perseverance. The person on the other side of the screen may not be ready to communicate online or maintain a conversation. Simply because they don’t know how. If a man interests me and the conversation stalls, I might cheat: “Your answers don’t allow me to get to know you better.” Typically, the subsequent reaction demonstrates the interlocutor’s intelligence and their level of engagement.

Online communication can be viewed as a challenge and a way to improve oneself. It doesn’t always have to go beyond the virtual platform. Sometimes it’s a way to gain new emotions, compliments, and once again confirm that you can always be an interesting conversationalist, elevating any conversation to a soulful and more intellectual level. Most importantly, it’s a place to train your intuition – which helps in real life.

Expectations vs. Reality

Women are a mystery even to themselves. We often exaggerate expectations from every opportunity and every date. It’s worth remembering the value of comfortable communication: men, like us, seek it too. To achieve it, one must be full and able to share – including good mood. Among thousands of matches, the right one will surely be found. But the key is to trust your intuition and be honest with yourself to the end.