Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Topics for Communication with a Man in Correspondence and on a Date

When getting to know a guy or at the early stage of a relationship, you want to learn more about him. For a healthy relationship, it’s important to have common ground: shared hobbies or similar values. Communication helps to get to know each other better — the key is to know what to talk about first. “Lenta.ru” explains what you can ask a guy on a first date or in correspondence, and which questions are better to avoid.

Why is it important to ask questions to a guy?

Questions are one of the best tools for understanding yourself and others, said psychologist and coach Anna Lipkina to “Lenta.ru”. “If people were not shy to talk about what matters to them, it seems that many couples could either stay together or, on the contrary, never get together,” she noted.

By asking questions, we show our genuine interest in the person and demonstrate that we want to get to know them, clarified psychologist of the online platform “Gran.rf” Yulia Kuznetsova.

Moreover, we clarify for ourselves how comfortable we are with this particular person. We can also clarify the plans, goals, desires, intentions, and values of a potential partner, and understand how much they resonate with us.

What to ask a guy in correspondence?

Nowadays, many people meet online — this method of communication has both advantages and disadvantages. On one hand, correspondence alleviates the feeling of awkwardness and “provides space for better wording,” emphasized Anna Lipkina. On the other hand, it does not give a complete picture like live communication does, specified Yulia Kuznetsova.

“During live communication, we pay attention not only to what a person says but also to how they say it. Non-verbal communication is an important source of information that is lost in correspondence,” she explained.

To keep the dialogue alive in correspondence and make it more “live,” you can move away from standard common questions like “how are you?” and “what are your hobbies?” and ask something more personal. “For example, ask the person to tell you about a dear memory or their attitude towards something. Such questions help a person open up. It’s important that the asker is genuinely interested in getting an answer,” explained Yulia Kuznetsova.

How to get to know a guy in correspondence?

1. Ask predominantly open-ended questions. This will encourage the interlocutor to share additional details, creating new interesting branches in the dialogue, noted Anna Lipkina.
2. Rely on values and needs. Try to find out what is important to the person or what important things for you they support or do not support.
3. Respect the person’s wish not to answer a very personal question. Make it clear in advance that it’s okay.

List of questions to ask a guy in correspondence

• What do you like most about your job? And what do you dislike?
• Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
• Do you think friendship between a man and a woman is possible?
• What should an ideal partner be like?
• What is your most precious memory? And the worst?
• What did you dream of becoming as a child?
• What were you most afraid of when you were little?
• What is your favorite sport? If you could become a professional athlete, which sport would you choose?
• Where would you like to live?
• What is your favorite quote from a book, movie, or series?
• Would you prefer to be an only child or have siblings?
• Which app on your smartphone can you not live without?

What to ask a guy on a date?

A personal meeting is an opportunity to learn much more about a person: how they behave, speak, and carry themselves. A personal meeting allows you to truly be in emotional contact.

If you want to clarify something for yourself, for example, the direction your relationship is heading, or what prospects the person sees for themselves, it is better to ask in person, as the answers will be somewhat more honest. You can see a lot through non-verbal cues, such as anxiety when talking about the development of the relationship, reactions to your words and statements.

What can you ask a guy on a date?

1. Childhood experiences. Regardless of how different people are, talking about childhood details and hometowns helps to look at each other in a new way, said Elena Kufyak, a doctor of psychological sciences and a systemic family psychotherapist. For example, you might discover that being the youngest of four children or the only child in the family, you watched the same shows, played the same video games, and went to similar summer camps. Try to formulate questions creatively: “What were you interested in when you were in school?” or “What is your favorite childhood memory?”
2. Hobbies. “Talking about what you like, what you are passionate about, you tell your partner more about yourself and open the door to learn about them in return,” emphasized Elena Kufyak.
3. Characteristics and traits. For example: “How do you think your surroundings would describe you?”
4. Travel. “Talking about travel is the best way to communicate on a first date because it allows you to share your stories (both good and bad), talk about places you would like to visit someday, and reveal possible discrepancies,” explained Elena Kufyak.
5. Favorite music. It may turn out that the man listens to the same bands and attended the same concerts. He might also recommend new artists you might like.
6. Future plans and career. For example, “How do you see yourself in five years?” or “What job do you dream of?” You can also tell the person you are dating about your goals and hopes — this will help you get to know each other better.
7. Food. Talking about food can be a great way to prepare for a second date, noted Elena Kufyak. “By talking about your favorite restaurants, cuisines, and bakeries, you can discuss the best places in the city to grab a bite and the best dishes you have ever tried,” she explained.
8. Relationship expectations. “An adult usually has a more developed ability for self-reflection, so it may be easier for them to answer questions about what they expect from a relationship,” noted Yulia Kuznetsova.

What not to talk about with a guy at the beginning of a relationship?

1. Past relationships. “No one wants to hear about your past relationships, especially if they were complicated. Such information can be shared when the relationship becomes more serious,” noted Elena Kufyak.
2. Health issues. Including health problems of a close person. This is an important topic but better not to raise it in a conversation with unfamiliar people.
3. Money or job problems.
4. Family past. Do not start telling all about your parents in detail. “Perhaps you can get away with mentioning something like ‘my mom is so funny’ or ‘my dad is the best cook,’ but besides that, it’s better not to delve into the topic,” emphasized Elena Kufyak.

What to do if you don’t want to continue the date with a guy?

If a person did not evoke sympathy during a personal meeting — it is normal. “If you feel that you do not want to continue the communication, you have the right to say so directly. In this case, sincerity is much more effective than excessive politeness. Any date can be ended whenever you want to end it,” concluded Yulia Kuznetsova.